Love my friends!

It’s the first mothers day without mom. I miss her so much. There are so many days that I want to tell her something or that I want to ask her something. She always knew what to say, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear! I miss the little things. Watching certain shows with her, having devotions in the morning, spending time with her and taking care of her. I just miss her…

I found this picture from our first trip to Disney together in 2008. We went away the weekend of my dads birthday. She just wanted us to get away. It was a wonderful weekend.

Mixed emotions. I can’t think of a better way to explain my feelings. There are days that I do very well. I will ALWAYS miss my mom and dad. There won’t be a day that goes by that I won’t. There are days that the pain isn’t as fresh or as strong as other days. There are times I remember them with Joy and thankful for the memories I have with both of them. There are times I am deeply saddened because there won’t be anymore. There are times that I feel alone because I don’t have them here. After I lost my dad, my mom and I became even closer than we were before. She became one of my best friends. It’s hard to not have her here. I miss her so much.  

Last Sunday, I purchased my first brand new car. It was something my mom and I had been planning to do for about six months (actually more like over a year) but as most of you know the timing was never right. We had picked the type of car and knew what I was going to get. When she took the turn, she made me promise her I would still get it. It took a little over two months to get to the point of making the purchase. I had been doing research for quite a few months and knew what I wanted and more importantly to me, what my mom wanted me to get. The morning in church I struggled. I struggled more than I had in weeks! I cried and got to the point that I just couldn’t fight the tears, though as most of you know I fight them constantly! This was the first big thing I was doing without my mom. We had been a team for years and now I had to do this on my own. I know I could have brought someone with me but I needed to do this on my own. I had a wonderful gift of knowing what she wanted for me with the car. We picked it but it was still huge. I know she would be proud of me, going in and taking over the dealership! No one messes with a Woodruff girl! There were many times we would refer to ourselves as the Woodruff girls, just like the show “Gilmore Girls.” Those poor salesmen had no idea what they were getting ready to face! :)

As I made my final decisions about the car, I didn’t think about how hard it would be to leave the Van, my moms car, behind. Mom and I had talked about trading the van in, it was always part of the plan. I just didn’t know how hard it would be to leave it behind. As I left the dealership in my new car, I cried. I didn’t know how to feel at that point. I was leaving my moms car behind and leaving in this new car. I felt like I was leaving a piece of her behind and in a way myself too. Then it was like I was moving on and I didn’t know how I felt about that either. I knew this is what she wanted and that gave me a peace. There are times I still look out my window and can’t believe that car is mine. That I was blessed enough to have a new car. When I get in the car, I can’t help but think about my mom. She would have loved the car. It’s exactly what she wanted for me. My family members that see it and know what mom wanted, tell me that she would have loved it. It’s hard to be excited about it some days because I miss her so much but I remember, this is what she wanted. 

There are still so many big decisions that need to be made. One thing my mom always said was, God gave you the grace for TODAY. So, I’m taking it just one day at a time, one step at a time. Please continue to pray for direction and peace for me! 

I was doing some cleaning tonight and came across Stitch. When mom and I went to Disney in 2008 for my first time ever and her first time in over 20 years she bought Stitch. As strange as it sounds, Stitch was one of moms favorite Disney characters. Finding little things like this make me happy and sad at the same time. Happy for the memory and yet sad because I miss her so much.

It took several months but I uploaded the pictures from our family trip to Disney. It’s hard to believe that it was our and last time as a family. The two days mom felt really good we had a lot of fun. She loved Disney so much! It’s hard to believe we won’t go again with her.